"The Fear" - that feeling of actually being scared which usually is at its height when appraoching a rapid or walking back up after looking at it.

I get it pretty often. It is the nag that says 'I dont have to do this' and 'I dont want to die'. I've been out a bit in the wet spell before christmas and got it on the Duddon on Wallowbarrow, I got it on the Leven above the bridge on a big day. I get it on Skelwith and the Kent when it gets to the level that Jack described in his blog (big, but not big enough for the centre line).

Im kind of used to it now, I know that I made the decision already to run what is below. The fear must go. It needs to go because it is what makes you freeze like a rabbit in the headlights. It makes you stiff, makes you think about stuff that is not useful. I try and dispell it at the moment the deck goes on, but sometimes it sticks around till I break out. I used to use little reptitive phrases (mantras) but they seem to have gone now. Quite often I find myself singing in longer rapids!

After im in the current and committed "the fear" has no place, I need to be unconscious and reactive. The simple of plan of the line, and maybe an odd reference point of what I need to be doing when, is all I need in my head. The rest is in the moment. Animal.

I think that putting myself into that position regularly, seeking out 'the fear', helps train the mind and give confidence. I need to know that it will go when it arrives in a new and unknown situation. When the moment comes I need to know that I will be focussed. Technique needs practice and learning so that it becomes part of that instinctive reaction to the moment, but kayaking, like most things, is all in the mind.

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